Epitaph

2004-06-02 10:51:43 +0000

The Internet is devoid of humor. She has left us.

In a recent Google search on the word “funny”, the acclaimed search engine returned no results.

I can remember a time when jokes innumerable would flow into my inbox unwanted. I remember the Armless Legless Goatless boy from Bakalagaglooshen, and all the rupies and goatʼs milk he received because I forwarded that email to twenty of my friends who are no longer my friends because of it. I was willing to make that sacrifice in the name of humor! And it was funny!

Now, there is nothing. There is nothing to sacrifice for.

I remember the day AOL and Microsoft announced a merger, and Bill Gates wanted to share his fortune with the countless online masses. Yes, my friendʼs friendʼs uncleʼs roommateʼs cousinʼs legal advisor knew it was true, and I forwarded the email and waited for my check and lost some more friends, and laughed for days. And it was funny!

Now, there is nothing. There is nothing to laugh about.

Throw your lilies at the base of the stone that reads:

Here Lies Humor
The Internet Raised Her,
The Internet Loved Her,
The Internet Killed Her
17 September 1973 ~ 2 June 2004

The day has come, citizens. We as a people have exhausted our precious resources. Hilarity is no more. In all seriousness, all things are now serious, and all this has come to pass on a quiet Wednesday morning.