Turtleʼs Thoughts™ on Natural Resources

by William Jackson on 1999-06-01

I am convinced that at least one third of the worldʼs water supply is wasted each day in the simple act of brushing oneʼs teeth. Do you know anyone who actually turns off the faucet when they are brushing? I donʼt. I believe I have the answer to this worldwide dilemma: stop brushing. Now donʼt get me wrong, I brush my teeth at least once a day, more if needed. But think about it. If no one brushed their teeth, halitosis wouldnʼt be a disease. Everyone would have it! There would be something wrong with you if you had minty fresh breath. You would be jailed for violating Water Conservation Code (WCC) 3538: excess use of water for dental hygiene.

Take case scenario one: The ancient ancients that lived in and around Pompeii got fossilized in no time flat due to the roll of Natureʼs dice, right? Look at it again. When examined to find more about the lost culture, scientists, archaeologists, and what have you found that almost every corpse — no, every corpse — had a perfect dental record. No tooth decay whatsoever! Now isnʼt it logical to believe that, because they used so much water on something as trivial as hygiene, Mother Natureʼs courier informed her of a problem? Therefore, following a logical sequence of events, old Ma Nature caused Pompeii, a volcano that had been dormant for centuries, to suddenly erupt without warning, spewing its hot lava and ash all over the beautiful countryside, not to mention the bustling cities and tranquil towns. This single act of Nature Anger, if you will, completely eradicated the civilization, and saved the water supply for todayʼs needs.

You could take this as a warning, or maybe a slap on the wrist with a wet noodle, but donʼt take it lightly. It is quite possible that any type of natural phenomena could wipe out America as we know it. The tragedy in Oklahoma City was, well, a tragedy. But how much water do you suppose they were using each and every day? You neednʼt worry. Iʼm sure my family of eleven children uses as much water as a small East European country per day, so we would be the first to go. And, if appearance and what others think about you comes first in your life, by all means, keep on brushing, and go ahead, take as long as your favorite song on the radio. And if you feel like it, let the water flow the whole time. Just let it flow!

This is Turtle, signing off.

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