¶ 1999-06-29 12:35:43 +0000
This edition of Turtleʼs Thoughts™ is quite the ironic situation. I am presently sitting at my grandmotherʼs computer, busily typing away. I didnʼt expect to be able to send the column today, but Iʼm still sure it wonʼt come next week. Even when Iʼm on vacation, Iʼm working on this stuff! Am I responsible or what?
Vacations can be used for different reasons: going to see people, running from people, stress reduction, etc. If your family is like mine, you will find this very familiar, maybe even scary. I am dropping to the level of using a military time frame. A family vacation is a sort of well planned operation, and I thought it would be interesting.
Day 1; 0600. All rise, for we have to get an early start. We are supposed to leave at 0700. We left at 0830. Go figure …
0835. After leaving the house, we panic over something we think weʼve forgotten, realize we havenʼt forgotten it, calm down, remember something else that we think weʼve forgotten, panic …
0900. “Are we out of Texas yet?” My brother, after living in the state for eleven years, still cannot comprehend the immensity of this barren land.
0930. “I have to go to the bathroom.” A classic trip-starter. Donʼt ask me why.
1000. “Iʼm bored.” “Donʼt worry, this vacation will be fun and educational.”
1130. “Iʼm hungry; whenʼs lunch?” This was a popular complaint throughout the entire trip, although everyone knew if you wanted to eat out of schedule, you had to bring your own food. Luckily, my brother had a hidden cache. Lucky for him, at least.
Is anyone else sick of the military time thing? I apologize. On to bigger and better things.
Itʼs great to spend some time with your grandparents, but not to spend all your vacation time with them. That would be boring, to say the least.
I am not saying that my grandparents are boring. My grandparents are some of the most interesting people I know. If you call my grandfather a farmer heʼll knock you flat. He has the will (and the hands) to do it. Heʼs a “dairyman”.
I donʼt mean to sound gross or anything, but why is it that your cousins are always so good-looking? Beats me.
This is Turtle, signing off.
©1999 MicroTurtle, Inc. All rights reserved.
Legal Disclaimer: This article, or any part of it, may not be reproduced in any way, shape, or form, for any reason, commercial or otherwise, without express written permission from the author. This article is intended for general humor only, and not to poke fun at any race, religion, culture, civilization, continent, city, village, or relative. All characters and incidents conveyed in this article are works of fiction, period. Any resemblance to any character or incident conveyed in this article is strictly coincidental, unless the author says so. Some of the content of this article may be outright lies. Thatʼs what “fiction” means. Need I say more? MicroTurtle, Inc., any divisions of MicroTurtle, Inc., and its employees cannot be found liable for any actions taken as a direct or indirect response to this article, whether against or in favor of any opinions expressed in it. Is it just me, or is the Legal Disclaimer longer than the actual column?
Turtleʼs Thoughts™ is a weekly publication of anything and everything that pops into Turtleʼs head and that he would like to share with the general public. Turtleʼs Thoughts™ is a division of MicroTurtle, Inc. TELL YOUR FRIENDS! Can I make myself any more clear? I want to generate as many laughs as humanly possible. Any questions, comments, and/or other feedback concerning this or any other article in the Turtleʼs Thoughts™ series can be sent to email@example.com. Although no one will ever send me one, a small monetary donation is always nice.
MicroTurtle, Inc. supports Jamminʼ Enterprises, Inc. in its work in establishing a forwarded-email-free Internet. Its divisions are People Against Forwarded E-mails™ and the Actual Letter Foundation™. For more information about these organizations, contact Benjamin Cummings, president of Jamminʼ Enterprises, Inc., at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Iʼm afraid Iʼve gone commercial! Contact MicroTurtle, Inc. headquarters email@example.com for information on advertisement possibilities.
Unless something really bad happens, Turtleʼs Thoughts™ will reach you Tuesday Morning (Central Standard Time, USA) each week.
Yes, Iʼm afraid Turtleʼs Thoughts™ will not reach you on 6 July 1999. I will really be on vacation. No kidding.
This article is best viewed using the “Times New Roman” font supplied with any Microsoft® Windows™ Operating System. If this or a similar font is not used, many characters may not be displayed correctly, if at all.