Turtleʼs Thoughts™ on Vacations

by William Jackson on 1999-06-29

This edition of Turtleʼs Thoughts™ is quite the ironic situation. I am presently sitting at my grandmotherʼs computer, busily typing away. I didnʼt expect to be able to send the column today, but Iʼm still sure it wonʼt come next week. Even when Iʼm on vacation, Iʼm working on this stuff! Am I responsible or what?

What.

Vacations can be used for different reasons: going to see people, running from people, stress reduction, etc. If your family is like mine, you will find this very familiar, maybe even scary. I am dropping to the level of using a military time frame. A family vacation is a sort of well planned operation, and I thought it would be interesting.

Day 1; 0600. All rise, for we have to get an early start. We are supposed to leave at 0700. We left at 0830. Go figure …

0835. After leaving the house, we panic over something we think weʼve forgotten, realize we havenʼt forgotten it, calm down, remember something else that we think weʼve forgotten, panic …

0900. “Are we out of Texas yet?” My brother, after living in the state for eleven years, still cannot comprehend the immensity of this barren land.

0930. “I have to go to the bathroom.” A classic trip-starter. Donʼt ask me why.

1000. “Iʼm bored.” “Donʼt worry, this vacation will be fun and educational.”

1130. “Iʼm hungry; whenʼs lunch?” This was a popular complaint throughout the entire trip, although everyone knew if you wanted to eat out of schedule, you had to bring your own food. Luckily, my brother had a hidden cache. Lucky for him, at least.

Is anyone else sick of the military time thing? I apologize. On to bigger and better things.

Itʼs great to spend some time with your grandparents, but not to spend all your vacation time with them. That would be boring, to say the least.

I am not saying that my grandparents are boring. My grandparents are some of the most interesting people I know. If you call my grandfather a farmer heʼll knock you flat. He has the will (and the hands) to do it. Heʼs a “dairyman”.

I donʼt mean to sound gross or anything, but why is it that your cousins are always so good-looking? Beats me.

This is Turtle, signing off.

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Yes, Iʼm afraid Turtleʼs Thoughts™ will not reach you on 6 July 1999. I will really be on vacation. No kidding.

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