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Turtleʼs Thoughts on Money

by William Jackson on 1999-10-07

Have you ever had one of those days when everything just costs too much? I have experienced that recently. I didnʼt buy anything that day.

Actually (or surprisingly, whichever you prefer), I donʼt spend money much. Just the occasional lunch out on the town is good enough for me. One thing concerns me, though. Suppose I were lost, stranded, deserted, or vacationing in a foreign country. There really is no difference as far as I can see. Anyway, how would I go about purchasing a Big Mac and fries with my good old American greenbacks? Any suggestions? Let me offer one: Unless I know how to say “Whereʼs the nearest tourist money exchange area?” Iʼm up a creek without a sandwich.

I think what Europe is doing with the Euro is a wonderful idea, and I support it wholeheartedly. I think that any land mass that size should at least use the same monetary unit throughout. In fact, it is my opinion that the States should follow suit and — oh, really? I didnʼt know that! Well, yet another brilliant idea down the drain. Maybe next time.

I often find that ideas I assume to be my own have actually already been thought up by someone else. By the time the gears are turning, my would-be product is already patented, copyrighted, mass-produced, and marketed. For example, I once thought of the idea of hanging a CD holder from the visor of your car. Then, while I was driving around that day, I looked into the car in front of me, and there it was! My beautiful invention was already invented! So, I put up with it and went about my business thinking of some other wonderful thing I could produce to benefit mankind. Perhaps one day I will beat the competition. I think I may have it with my next device. I call it the “picture tube”.

Signed, Turtle. Once before and never again.

This article was written with one purpose in mind: to put a smile on a face of each of its many readers. If I have not done so, please inform me, and I will work my hardest to remedy the situation.

7 October 1999, William Andrew Jackson