Pirate Tuesday

by William Jackson on 2004-05-26

I failed to mention the fact that yesterday was Pirate Tuesday. For those who were unaware, Pirate Tuesday is a frequently-occurring day of celebration and recognition dedicated to pirates and their culture.

There really is only one way to properly celebrate Pirate Tuesday: commandeer something. Consequently, the traditional salutation of the holiday is, “What have you commandeered today?” This commandeering can be done at anytime, and should preferably be unique and creative. For example, there is no need to commandeer a car on Pirate Tuesday; the commandeerment of modes of transportation is as old as the pirate himself, and is therefore considered uncreative piracy at best.

It is also necessary to mention that “legal piracy” is encouraged. This refers to acts of piracy, commandeerments, &c., that neither break nor are intended to break the local laws of the community in which the would-be Pirate Tuesday celebrationist lives.

Colloquial language (“arrr”, “yo ho”, “avast ye scurvy dogs”, &c.) is encouraged and enjoyed, but non-offensive expressions are suggested. When using the word “wench”, please be aware of the usual connotations and make certain there is no doubt to the audience that the context obviously lends itself to comedy rather than criticism.

In celebration of this past Pirate Tuesday, I commandeered the hour between 4:00 PM and 5:00 PM, which I used for sleep.