Fewer Students, More Crime

by William Jackson on 2004-09-20

I love my university.

Speaking of crime, …

1. I suddenly got the urge to get my lip pierced, but I didnʼt have the money to do it professionally, so I tried to go about it myself. I probably didnʼt leave the ice on my lip long enough, because I sure felt something when I tried to push that bent fork prong through.
2. I got in a fight and some dude sucker-punched me in the face, and my teeth almost went all the way through my lip. That was the only hit he got in, though. I snapped and plowed into the fool. You should have seen how I left him.
3. The driver of a Mazda Miata wasnʼt looking and turned from a side street into my lane right in front of me. I didnʼt have time to stop, but just enough time to slow down so the airbag didnʼt blow when I hit him. I wish it had, because my face hit my steering wheel. Is that my fault? From the look of all those dents, those little Miatas donʼt like getting bumped around too much.
4. I opened a cupboard door into my face and bled all over my bathroom sink.
5. None of the above.