Autobiography, The

by William Jackson on 2005-01-12

I often strongly feel I must validate my existence. I wish I could write like Jane Austen. I do not eat chocolate. I can interest myself in anything. Difficult video games frustrate me. Music escapes my lips at appropriate times. I use computers more often than I should. I hold little respect for a person with a tendency to irrationally split infinitives. Three quarters of my jokes do not provoke laughter. I prefer active verbs. I spell correctly and correct spelling errors.

I completed Oregon Trail in the fourth grade. I use the keyboard to open the Windows® Start menu. I have heard of HTML entities and I know how to use them. Mavis Beacon did not teach me typing. I might have a lower GPA than you. I cannot touch my toes without bending my knees. I read instruction manuals. Music escapes my lips at inappropriate times. I write with my left hand. I never got chicken pox, and I never will. Macintosh computers do not scare me.

I wrote a sonnet once. I do not know the difference between Unix and Linux. I can juggle three bean bags. I sleep on my back. I have never had stitches or broken a bone. I never owned a dog. I grew up in a two-story house. I twitch. I love my parents. My eyes betray me.