Subtle Coolness · chrono index · alpha index

Grammatically Correct

by William Jackson on 2005-05-02

My friends, in this digital age where peer pressure, WPMs and Internettrends reign supreme, you need guts to stand for grammatical correctness.

  1. Learn and use correct grammar when you type. If you must, find out about“spell checking”. You didnʼt take English every single year of yourprimary and secondary education for nothing. A person who knows how touse the language and isnʼt afraid to do so is attractive.
  2. Read what you typed before you press “Enter”. When you donʼt, more oftenthan not you will really wish you did.
  3. Sentence fragments have their place. Like right here. Use them wisely.
  4. Your “Shift” key is not broken. Capitalize on that. The more you use it,the stronger your pinky fingers will become. Think how much more yourpromises will mean to others when you make them with strong pinkies.
  5. Punctuation is part of the alphabet, too. Semicolons get lonely; includethem every once in a while.

I may not have a large vocabulary, but I will proudly discriminate againstthe words “u”, “r”, “4” and “lol”.

Sometimes songs can help you remember grammar rules. All these songsare taken from the album Strong Badʼs Rhythm Nʼ Grammar.

If you want it to be possessive, itʼs just ‘ITS’. But if itʼs supposed tobe a contraction then itʼs ‘I-T-apostrophe-S’, scalawag.

What ever happened to capitalization? It used to be so cool!

Girl, donʼt forget to spell check, or Iʼll come to your house and throw abrick through your dadʼs windshield (windshield).

‘Y-O-U-R’. ‘Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E’. Theyʼre as different as night and day.Donʼt you think that night and day are different? Whatʼs wrong with you?

And I donʼt care how they spell things on the Internet; When you email me,you spell the whole word out. And I donʼt care that your cell phone has acamera in it.