Subtle Coolness · chrono index · alpha index

Hang with the Right People

by William Jackson on 2005-10-04

One never lacks for adventure when one hangs with the right people.Yesterday I was at the Institute reading a biased newspaper when thesecretary popped her head into the room and asked, “William, do you havea car?” I replied that I did not, and carried on reading the paper.

Then this one Tall Guy walked in. Heʼs not the Tall Guy, or _that_Tall Guy even, but he is tall nonetheless.

“I just ordered a burrito from Baja Fresh, and itʼs going to be readywhen I get there,” he announced, obviously excited, when he entered theroom. Then he was intercepted by the secretary.

“You have a car, this one Tall Guy! Can you go rescue UnnamedDamsel-in-Distress? Sheʼs stranded at Undisclosed Location.” This oneTall Guy had to think for a minute, because Baja Fresh was preparing orhad already prepared a burrito for him, and he needed to go pick it upimmediately. He enlisted my assistance and the plan became thus:

  1. This one Tall Guy goes to Baja Fresh to pick up his burrito, whileconcurrently,
  2. I get his car from underneath the Institute and pick him up.
  3. We then drive to Undisclosed Location, with me behind the wheel andhe eating his burrito.
  4. We have our light infantry create a thick smoke screen. Then we laydown some suppressive fire until our snipers are in position, whilewatching out for surface-to-air antioxidant missiles. By the timereinforcements arrive we will have made it to Undisclosed Locationand air-lifted all the victims out of the area.

So, Iʼm driving down a large highway when I look to my right and seethis guy eating his burrito without any utensils. The burrito inquestion, mind you, is as big as my forearm perhaps, and covered withcheese and sauce and salsa and all kinds of things that make messes andwarrrant the invention of color-safe bleach. So this guy has the entiremonstrous burrito firmly gripped in one hand, and he is taking anequally monstrous bite out of one end.

“I wonʼt have time to enjoy it properly,” he said. It appeared to melike he was enjoying it just fine.

“If I keep this up I might begin making regular appearances on yourwebsite,” he said. Thatʼs not so bad, but I might have to think of abetter name than “this one Tall Guy.”