Hang with the Right People

2005-10-04 04:37:00 +0000

One never lacks for adventure when one hangs with the right people. Yesterday I was at the Institute reading a biased newspaper when the secretary popped her head into the room and asked, “William, do you have a car?” I replied that I did not, and carried on reading the paper.

Then this one Tall Guy walked in. Heʼs not the Tall Guy, or that Tall Guy even, but he is tall nonetheless.

“I just ordered a burrito from Baja Fresh, and itʼs going to be ready when I get there,” he announced, obviously excited, when he entered the room. Then he was intercepted by the secretary.

“You have a car, this one Tall Guy! Can you go rescue Unnamed Damsel-in-Distress? Sheʼs stranded at Undisclosed Location.” This one Tall Guy had to think for a minute, because Baja Fresh was preparing or had already prepared a burrito for him, and he needed to go pick it up immediately. He enlisted my assistance and the plan became thus:

  1. This one Tall Guy goes to Baja Fresh to pick up his burrito, while concurrently,
  2. I get his car from underneath the Institute and pick him up.
  3. We then drive to Undisclosed Location, with me behind the wheel and he eating his burrito.
  4. We have our light infantry create a thick smoke screen. Then we lay down some suppressive fire until our snipers are in position, while watching out for surface-to-air antioxidant missiles. By the time reinforcements arrive we will have made it to Undisclosed Location and air-lifted all the victims out of the area.

So, Iʼm driving down a large highway when I look to my right and see this guy eating his burrito without any utensils. The burrito in question, mind you, is as big as my forearm perhaps, and covered with cheese and sauce and salsa and all kinds of things that make messes and warrrant the invention of color-safe bleach. So this guy has the entire monstrous burrito firmly gripped in one hand, and he is taking an equally monstrous bite out of one end.

“I wonʼt have time to enjoy it properly,” he said. It appeared to me like he was enjoying it just fine.

“If I keep this up I might begin making regular appearances on your website,” he said. Thatʼs not so bad, but I might have to think of a better name than “this one Tall Guy.”