Turtleʼs Thoughts™ on Chores
by William Jackson on 1999-06-22
Everybody has them. Everybody does them. Everybody hates them. If you donʼt, we need to speak privately. Yes, I am speaking of chores, those wonderful things parents use to occupy you. There are daily chores, as (almost) everyone knows, and there are “special” chores. First come the daily chores.
As you may already know, I am a member of a family of eleven children. One is out of the house at this writing, but that doesnʼt change much at home. Even if all the “normal” chores are assigned, everyone must have something to do. Therefore, this week, I am assigned the following chore: “Wash by hand all the dishes that are too large to fit in the dishwasher.” You may immediately think, as I did, “What kind of chore is that? Who thought that up?” I asked my mother those very questions. Of course, I didnʼt ask her in that particular tone. I want to live to see my next birthday, you see. I asked politely, “Was this chore your idea? Is it really necessary?”
Her immediate reply was, “If you are going to complain about your job, then Iʼm going to take away points!”
A brief explanation of “points”. We get “points” when we do our chores and other extra things around the house. At the end of the week, we can “buy” items with our points. Of course, all the items are outrageously priced, so you have to work your fingers off to buy a “fun-sized” candy bar. Now that I mentioned it, one-bite-and-itʼs-gone is not my idea of “fun-sized”. Back to the subject, I really donʼt care for points, so I just do my job whenever I feel like it, or when Mother makes me. Iʼve gotten to where I am indifferent to washing dishes now. Is that good or bad?
Now on to “special” chores. Evidently, when you are offered a “special” chore, it is the equivalent of your guardian saying, “Youʼre going to do this whether you like it or not, even though itʼs not part of your regular chore schedule (pronounced ‘shed-yule’).” As you can see, chore-givers try to use psychology to trick you into wanting to do chores (for a shallow look at psychology, please see Turtleʼs Thoughts™ on Threats).
Now, on to what this article was truly written for. Strike! Loyal followers, you must refuse to do chores for the rest of the summer months! Parents, please refer to the Legal Disclaimer found below. In short, I cannot be found liable for any actions taken in response to this article.
This is Turtle, signing off.
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